hello.

Haven't touched this space in a long time.

Thinking I might try and do that again.

As it is right now, I've mostly used my stupid Facebook to act as my stream of consciousness whenever I have a Big Thought(TM) and while yeah, I might still do that... I might also just move it over here and link to it, so as to just trim the fat a bit.  I mean, how many of the people on my friend's list read my posts? Still follow me? And why does it matter anyway?

Besides, Nicole keeps telling me I need to be journaling and doing the whole... gratitude practices and whatever. Nothing wrong with doing that here, right?

It feels weird, not gonna lie. I can remember posting on my Livejournal almost daily. I remember keeping up with online writing groups. I remember having a tumblr. Hell, I remember having a domain name registered to me where I could design and post whatever the hell I wanted. Then I became whatever the hell I am today, trial by fire, despite (perhaps even in spite) of the wishes of others. I've been here for four years, and in about 3 months I'll have been working at the same job for two of those years. Something I should be proud of, or so I'm told, but I just... it leaves a complicated feeling in my chest. I have $45k in student debt, and I'm on food stamps living paycheck to paycheck. I didn't actually escape my social class, because going to college and getting a degree is actually a farce.

I need to get away from these thoughts before they take me somewhere I don't want to revisit.

What am I grateful for today... they have the nacho fries back at Taco Bell? That was a nice surprise. Yesterday I received my kitchen witch doll that I'd commissioned to resemble my late beloved grandmother. She's sitting on my desk in the meantime, because the apartment is a mess after the hurricane that was moving shit on Sunday around so that my spouse can get his computer finally set up properly.  Tonight is New Year's Eve according to the Gregorian calendar. The spouse and I are working on creating our own traditions right now, and he has asked that we make a milk run so as to get a few nibbly-bits rather than do a full-on dinner.  I'm...kind of okay with this? Although I do need to use up the goose from Winter Solstice before it starts to go off. 

I'm getting a little too distracted with everything going on in the moment, so I'm gonna wrap up here. Until next time.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

difficult relationships (with a lot of things.)

I've been called "fat" pretty much my entire life by my peers. I was taught through assimilation of meaning that to be fat was not just a statement of fact, but an insult and also to imply that I was unattractive, undesirable, and not worth knowing. The irony of this of course being that while yes, I have fat, I was not exactly obese until I was probably a senior in high school.  I was not, however, rail thin nor under-developed much to my chagrin.  Puberty decided to "gift" me as early as eleven, and just went crazy from there. My mother and my sister were on the opposite side of the spectrum, and also cared a lot more about their presentation than I ever did. Rather than even try to fit into the box that was expected of me at an early age, I chose to ignore it altogether.  The words and implications hurt, but if it was decided that I was not worth knowing, what was the point of trying to convince other people otherwise? It lead to a lonely life. In addition to...
Read more

Why I Love Bacon Grease.

I love it. I love to cook with it.  When I mention that I cook with bacon grease, I get reactions between brow raises and "eeeewww"s, but hear me out. Everything tastes better with bacon. Seriously.  I'm not saying replace your butter with bacon, but sometimes?  Replace your butter with bacon.  Or at least half of it.  Consider, if you will, pan fries or hash browns.  What do you cook 'em in?  Butter?  Oil?  Try bacon grease.  Now your pan fries/hash browns are 100% more awesome. Cooking onions?  Bacon grease. Making apple sauce to pour over your pork chops or your (non-kosher) potato pancakes?  Bacon grease. Mashed potatoes? Noodle dish that needs a little more oomph? Roasted veggies? Green beans? Corn Muffins? Bread crumb topping? Beschamel/White sauce? Sing it if you know the words. Here's some stats according to LoseIt.com, my calorie/exercise counter website. Each of these is one tablespoon measureme...
Read more

The Recipe Book (Master List)

Image
These are recipes I plan to someday execute or want to keep track of. Some of them might be what people would call "trashy eats," others a little more complex, but all of them are important to me. Should I decide to cook them anytime soon, I will include reviews. Cottage Cheese and Egg Breakfast Muffins with Ham and Cheddar Scratch Chili Cheese Burrito Sunshine Tea (aka Russian Tea) Salty Oatmeal Cookie Breakfast in a Mug Chocolate mug cake Runzas/Runsas/Bierocks/German Hamburgers Ziploc Omelettes Microwave Pineapple Upside Down Cupcakes Túrós Csusza Pedialyte Clone Thanksgiving For Two Black Turkey (aka: the perfect fall-off-the-bone bird) Versatile Muffin Recipe Chai Cake with Honey-Ginger Cream Scratch "Twix" candy bar Corndog Muffins Trio of Tea Ice Creams Olive Garden® Zuppa Toscana Microwave Macaroni and Cheese S'more Pie Homemade Pop Tarts Make Your Own Popsicles Chocolate Scotcheroos Layered Peppermint Bark Best Pizza Dough E...
Read more